Instead of writing a blog about things you should do when meeting people to help develop friendship, I thought I would take the opposite approach and tell you about some things that if you do them would not be conducive to making friends.
Here are my top 3 things you can do to help you keep from making friends.
Forget All Commonalities
The only thing that really matters in a conversation is what you want to talk about. You may not realize this, but other people are more interested in hearing about your life than anything pertaining to their own life. They really do want to hear about your pets, your parents, your favorite TV shows, and collection of DVDs. If the person you are talking to starts talking about something other than a topic you brought up, just force an awkward silence. If that doesn’t work, you could just pick up your phone and start texting someone else. It is important that the person talking knows that it is all about you and this does not leave any room for them. While texting you can look at them and say “What was that you were saying?” so you can really drive the point home with them.
Disrespect All Boundaries
Disrespecting boundaries includes staring directly into their eyes for long periods of time, standing so close to someone you could make out with them, asking inappropriate personal questions, and extending invitations to creepy hangout spots, like an abandoned warehouse. It is important that the person you are talking to understands that any boundaries they might have does not matter to you and you are willing to cross them on a whim. Once the idea of you not respecting their boundaries has been set, you will be free to walk all over them as you see fit.
Pitch a Fit
If doing the above two things does not deter a person from wanting to be your friend then it is time to bring in the big guns. As a last resort you can simply pitch a fit. If they take your anti-friendship assault and still want to be your friend, just collapse on the ground and throw a tantrum. There are extra points awarded for sobbing audibly or breaking something.
I realize that these things sound ridiculous. That is the point. But some of us have been guilty of doing some of these things at times without realizing it.
The moral of the story is that true friendship is intentional, but it needs to begin organically. You can’t try to force a friendship on someone, it needs to just happen. So let go of any expectations, egos, or fears you might have and focus on the person in front of you at that moment.
If we want to have friends, we have to first be a friend. We need to treat others the way we would want to be treated. I think the key to it all is treat the person you are talking to like the most important person in the world to you in that moment.
We can see this very idea presented in the bible in the book of Philippians.
Philippians 2:3-5 (NIV)
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
These are good words to live by. When people know that you genuinely care about them and their lives, they can’t help but want to be your friend.