If you have not read Part 1 of this blog yet, I would highly recommend going back and reading that blog before you read this blog. This blog will make very little sense if you have not read Part 1 first. You can read Part 1 of this blog series here.
Here are the action steps we have discussed so far:
Action 1: Discover Their Little Joys. Read Part 2 here.
Action 2: Kiss Unselfishly. Read Part 3 here.
In today’s blog, we will be discussing the 3rd action step that I have come up with that I can work on doing that will help sustain my present relationship and future marriage with Steph. Remember, these are all action steps you can use and work on with me to improve your present relationships or marriages as well.
Action 3: “Just Because” Gifts
It is very likely that gifts (of any size) mean more to your partner than you can possibly imagine. Of course, the art of gifting takes high priority during the Big Five: Valentine’s Day, Mother’s/Father’s Day, Christmas, your anniversary, and their birthday. Those are obligatory gift-giving dates, but those are not the only times you should get gifts for your partner.
Spur-of-the-moment gifts can be much more satisfying than Big Five gifts. Your partner may not say it out loud, but I’ll bet they will agree.
I’m not talking about gifts connected to any holiday. I’m also not talking about gifts designed to get you out of the doghouse. You need to plan to give your partner gifts for no apparent reason at all.
Here is a great verse from the bible that highlights this idea:
Colossians 3:19 (MSG)
19 Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.
So getting gifts for no reason sounds like a great idea, but what practical thing can we do to help make sure that we actually get these special gifts for no reason? Here is what you do: Get out a calendar or planner and mark weeks during which there are no holidays or others days that are special to you partner. It goes without saying, but be sure it is a calendar or planner that your partner does not have access to. The idea is to find a window of opportunity to give your partner a “just because” gift. Mark down open weeks on your calendar and then surprise your partner with a surprise gift at some point during that week. When they ask, “What is this for?” simply say, “Just because.”
So how many “just because” gifts should you get them? Well there is no set amount. You can’t really give too many, but don’t spend all your extra money on gifts and make yourself go broke either. The gifts don’t have to be expensive. Some of the best gifts are inexpensive, but come from the heart. To get us started, let’s make a goal to give our partner 2-3 inexpensive “just because” gifts over the next 2-3 months.
Richard Foster, theologian and writer, says, “Love is not communicated in the big event but in the small acts of kindness.”
That really is the truth. At least it has been in my experience.
When I think about my relationship with Steph, I can think of times I have gotten her “just because” gifts and she seemed to really appreciate them. There have been times that I have done a pretty good job of getting these little gifts for no reason. There have been other times that I have not done a stellar job of doing this. This is an area that I do need to work to be more consistent with. These small “just because” gifts will be very meaningful to Steph and show her how much I really love her.
The idea of gifting makes me think of the following bible passage that we hear often at various weddings:
Ephesians 5:25-33 (NIV)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Let’s work on giving more “just because” gifts to our special someone. They have more of an impact on our loved ones than we realize.